ive got a feeling

that tonight was epic, a true discovery of self and happiness.

i had a shit night last night, i felt so empty and shit inside that every interaction ended up in akward silence and kinda brought me down even more.
today was alright, hung out with catherine for a while, was nice to catch up!

ive been gigging a lot recently, and doing some different stuff, namely, trying to work out some tasty written material, as i have some shows in the international this month and for some reason i dont think that improv will fly there with aidan bishop mc'ing, it might, but i want to have a good set just to make doubly sure!

ive ressurected the true story about the chili incident, which ive added a LOT of punchlines to, and im working on a few more at the moment!

ive had some pretty deep shit going on in my head recently, mainly to do with my outlook on life and i think ive come to a pretty important conclusion. malice does nothing but hold you back, bad blood with someone will just stifle your happiness and ruin your day.

people have done fucked up things to me in my life. girls have been horrible, guys have been dickheads and everything in between, and until recently, as a natural human reaction, i obviously held malice towards these people.

not.
any.
more.

every bad thing is put aside. not forgotten, because to forget is to not learn. but put aside, it doesnt matter in my frame any more.

people offer so much to my life that i cant dislike some people like that. everyone makes mistakes and something clicked in my brain and made me notice that.
its not a question of putting aside self respect and potentially embracing people who have hurt me in the past, its respecting myself enough to embrace the fact that hate/anger/malice will ruin you.

as pompous as this has no doubt sounded as well, part of the reason for this grand forgivness marathon is the fact that ive been a massive cunt to a lot of people, mainly girls, over the last... 8/9 years or so?
as a result i know what its like to be disliked, and its rough. so i dont want to extend that feeling to anyone.

so if we've had beef in the past (and not in any delicious bbq sense of the word) consider that beef gone. come over for some green tea, we'll have a chat, and im sure if we keep open minds that by the end of that cup we'll both be better people.

the gig tonight was a thing of beauty, it put me in such a great mood! it was a real pleasure gigging with all the guys tonight, will lynch, ian perth, abie philbin bowman, johnny hughes, aidan killian and the man from sweden magnus betner.
one of the most enjoyable gigs ive had in a long long time.

swedish girls are crazy, intense and very attractive. swedish men are 9 feet tall vikings. swedish comedy is smart. yes indeed.

well, thats enough from me tonight, its been an eye opening evening, but in true marcus fashion, the sun is coming up and im not asleep yet because im smiling on the couch.

i love you all

marcus.