ive got a feeling

that tonight was epic, a true discovery of self and happiness.

i had a shit night last night, i felt so empty and shit inside that every interaction ended up in akward silence and kinda brought me down even more.
today was alright, hung out with catherine for a while, was nice to catch up!

ive been gigging a lot recently, and doing some different stuff, namely, trying to work out some tasty written material, as i have some shows in the international this month and for some reason i dont think that improv will fly there with aidan bishop mc'ing, it might, but i want to have a good set just to make doubly sure!

ive ressurected the true story about the chili incident, which ive added a LOT of punchlines to, and im working on a few more at the moment!

ive had some pretty deep shit going on in my head recently, mainly to do with my outlook on life and i think ive come to a pretty important conclusion. malice does nothing but hold you back, bad blood with someone will just stifle your happiness and ruin your day.

people have done fucked up things to me in my life. girls have been horrible, guys have been dickheads and everything in between, and until recently, as a natural human reaction, i obviously held malice towards these people.

not.
any.
more.

every bad thing is put aside. not forgotten, because to forget is to not learn. but put aside, it doesnt matter in my frame any more.

people offer so much to my life that i cant dislike some people like that. everyone makes mistakes and something clicked in my brain and made me notice that.
its not a question of putting aside self respect and potentially embracing people who have hurt me in the past, its respecting myself enough to embrace the fact that hate/anger/malice will ruin you.

as pompous as this has no doubt sounded as well, part of the reason for this grand forgivness marathon is the fact that ive been a massive cunt to a lot of people, mainly girls, over the last... 8/9 years or so?
as a result i know what its like to be disliked, and its rough. so i dont want to extend that feeling to anyone.

so if we've had beef in the past (and not in any delicious bbq sense of the word) consider that beef gone. come over for some green tea, we'll have a chat, and im sure if we keep open minds that by the end of that cup we'll both be better people.

the gig tonight was a thing of beauty, it put me in such a great mood! it was a real pleasure gigging with all the guys tonight, will lynch, ian perth, abie philbin bowman, johnny hughes, aidan killian and the man from sweden magnus betner.
one of the most enjoyable gigs ive had in a long long time.

swedish girls are crazy, intense and very attractive. swedish men are 9 feet tall vikings. swedish comedy is smart. yes indeed.

well, thats enough from me tonight, its been an eye opening evening, but in true marcus fashion, the sun is coming up and im not asleep yet because im smiling on the couch.

i love you all

marcus.

heaven only knows

today and tonight were strange, not in a good or bad way, just in an eye opening way.

im exhausted so im gonna post an old song :)

its called when i dream, i dream of you.

we hold hands in secret,
in the dark
behind closed doors,
patchwork patterns in your eyes
and a little light that tore,
right on through the clouds
and let the sun peek through
and when im tired
i sleep,
i dream
and when i dream
i dream of you,
breathing underwater
defying gravity
through the air
close our eyes and look around
see our faces lit up
on the walls of time square,
breathing in pure sun
give a bright new light
to this whole affair
and we kiss in secret
in the dark
beside closed doors
little tender moments
and i always wish for more
here i hope
to find a way
to break the dark
let in the light of day
patchwork patterns in your eyes
that will never fade away
and when im tired
i sleep
i dream
and when i dream
i dream of you
climbing trees
and kissing me
and everything else
that we will do

the cave/light and day/the lighthouse

good evening world, after a good day comes a good night, i have that relaxed melty feeling, much like the cheese on a delicious cheese toasted sandwhich. yes indeed.

today was insane. a proper harbringer of the summer. its like the clocks went forward last night and that little click in the watch mechanism set a spark which ignited my need for adventure and discovery.

started like any other day, safe in the cave of duvets that is my bed after falling asleep at about 7 am, listening to my own heartbeats as the cracks in the curtains gained illumination.

continued like any other day, farting around my apartment playing guitar and listening to music and not doing anything hugely productive.
but then the ignition.

it always starts as something tiny, like that first leaf that catches flames and leads to a forest fire.
i called sean who was in his room and proposed the idea of a casual jog to him, no more than 15 minutes and just around fitzwilliam square, before a late breakfast which we could revel in on the couches.
he agreed.
deadly. game on.

tartan shorts, high socks, running shoes and an old tshirt later we left the apartment with a little pink rugby ball. the purpose of which was that if we didnt feel motivated about running at any stage the holder of the ball would shout go long and the other person would have to run to catch it as he hurled it as far as he can. yup. we're awesome like that, turning demotivation into a motivational game. (do it, it works)

so then the adventure fire started burning brighter and we decided to run down the canal, looking at the ducks, high 5ing any fellow joggers we happened to run by, because it makes people happy...
and in a forrest gumpesque move... we just kept running, until we, to our suprise an delight, reached sandymount.

cool. we maybe should have stopped there because when youre not running on a treadmill, you have to run back from wherever you run. but we ignored that. we climbed trees and walls and poles and everything else until we decided that we'd run to the base of the chimneys and call it a day..

then came the hello game, where we take turns greeting every approaching person in a different ways. old people smiled. young couples ignored us but looked back as we ran away. dogs chased us. we chased dogs. it was awesome, a lady on a bike called adriana even gave us a chilled bottle of coke to drink because we said hello to her and had some banter. add sugar and caffeine to adventure and it will only lead to one thing. not stopping at the chimneys.

sure we got there, and took some fun pictures..



seriously impressed with the iphone 3gs camera, tasty shutter speed and that!

so, not wanting to stop there, we ran on around the coast, with the tide out, watching the waves, which were ages away.
we came across some flat sand and decided release our artistic sides in the only way we know.




running makes you think a lot, especially when you have a lot to think about. if youre feeling stressed or bad or sad for whatever reason, try going for a run. escape wherever is bringing you down. go far away, explore, say hi to strangers and find out some new stuff about your city.

we ran all the way to poolbeg lighthouse, racing a ship out of the harbour.

7.2km.

thats about 7km further than i originally thought we'd go.

walked home a different way than we had came, through the industrial docklands, cant wait to get back there with my camera, theres some amazingly beautiful shit looking places there. if that makes sense to any of you.

i can tell you that there is no better feeling than sitting down after that kind of excursion. with no shoes on.

its been a day of adventure, and its set off the summer in me. this ones going to be beyond fantastic.
last summer was just a warm up.

"the lighthouse"


a journey isnt about the destination
the things you learn on that journey make it pale in comparison
but sitting on this rock
staring out over ship provoked waves
i feel calm
the pain in my feet
my legs
the burning in my muscles
they are washed away by the salty air.

turn problems on their head
and forget that you ever called them problems
embrace the decision to pick the furthest point in the horizon
and running there.
embrace the sand in your shoes and the blisters.
theres beauty in everything if youre prepared to find beauty,
from rusty ladders to rocks sprayed silver.
i find that the lighthouse just became an idea,
spawned from every little spark that caught in our heads.
these are the times ill remember when i cant think of anything,
and that will make me smile when everything else seems on the way out.
find those times yourself, and they'll save you.

much love

marcus

heartbeats

epic win. this is the spoil from tonights battle. *cue final fantasy victory music*

ITS A FUCKING STETHOSCOPE! I CAN HEAR MY HEARTBEAT!!!

also, free cocktails in no name, i spent no money tonight. epic win. i have to go out in a suit more often..

wrote some cracking material today as well, need to road test it at the multitude of fun gigs that i have coming up! :D

needless to say, tonight has made me happy.

of all the random shit ive brought home from nights out... traffic cones, road signs, clothes, hats, glasses... this has to be the finest prize.

all the shit that has gone down in the last few months and especially the last week has been pretty potent but i think ive cracked the secret to managing it, keeping positive and smiling like a fucking eejit all day.
take a problem and realise that its NOT A PROBLEM. problems are a matter of perception, and you can turn every one around on its head into an opportunity. ok, maybe not a terminal disease or anything like that. but in general, if you have anything to bring to that big table that is life, and you can bring it neatly presented on a pretty porcelain plate, youre going to do well.

when all else fails, take a problem, break it into the equivalent smaller more insignificant problems and destroy them.

smile and it'll sort your shit out.
make people cups of tea. give flowers to strangers on the street. give hugs to strangers. get out of your comfort zone. learn new shit.
BE HAPPY BECAUSE YOU HAVE ONE LIFE.

seriously. theres so much to smile about if you just forget the bad stuff. or focus on the good stuff.

in the last month or so, i went through a very potent breakup that, to be perfectly honest, left me feeling as if someone had taken a blender and shoved my insides into it. will it blend on youtube shtyle.

i could have moped. i could have cried and listened to taking back sunday and the juliana theory on repeat. i could have sat around hugging my knees in the corner of my room, and to be honest, i cant pretend that thats not what i wanted to do.
when shit goes down, its a natural human reaction to withdraw into yourself to protect yourself. and to anyone who does that, its no problem, people have been doing it forever and people will forever be doing it. hell, its what ive done any other time bad shit hit the relationship fan. which in my (almost) 21 years, has been far too many times.
what made this time different was self motivation. being on stage a couple of times a week making people laugh requires a good attitude. smiling at people on the street requires a good attitude. sitting having tea with the random homeless and talking about shit thats effected them takes a good attitude. so i decided to look after number 1, readjust the frame of mind that i was in and get back into life.

to adjust myself from caring boyfriend marcus to marcus who talks to random girls in bars and gets high fives from all the boys.

to bridge the gaps in your life that naturally occur when you spend 6 months dedicated to making someone happy.

to force myself to drop the baggage and to just move on. smiling.

as much as i miss the comfort of being able to call someone who youre infinitly close to at any time to hang out and cuddle and have crazy sex and banter and watch silly movies while curled up in bed, its the direction my life is going. i am enjoying the bachelor lifestyle and intend to stay as such for a good long while, hopefully meeting some amazing people along the way.


also, listen to seal. specifically kiss from a rose.

uplifting stuff

wow... this quick post has turned into a bit of a self help essay.


im quite tired from having a heroic free night with the kev, so ill try an write some musical poetic goodness tomorrow!

im going to go to sleep listening to my own heart beat now.

night all

much love

marcus :D

connemara rambo.

tonight worked to take my mind off things, went to war, palace, thomas reeds and back to war again and then grafton street banter.

i was told on several occasions i looked like john rambo tonight, except my warpaint was green.

got a lot of people shouting street justice as well as the night went on, so buzzed about that!

gonna try and actually write a piece fresh tonight, so here goes, for the laugh.


its been a long long day
and its heading for a long night
staring at the cracks in my curtains
and those cracks are getting bright,
and even though some cracks broke through
the walls that i built up
your smile and the way you grabbed my hand
helped me get back up
from the ground
where i had fallen
just a few hours before.
and with war paint
and restraint we carry on the night
dancing to the KOL singing a bit of
slow night, so long
ill be running to my house after youre gone,
fast asleep
end of a tough couple of weeks
i just hope i find a way to stay on my own two feet.

to build a home

a large part of my life was massivly shaken today when my dads company, murray olaoire architects (http://www.murrayolaoire.com/), founded in 1979, went into liquidation.
im not going to pretend that i know how to rationalise this in my head, im not an expert in business, its not my area and i only know the basic facts but what really shocked me was this.
i knew murray olaoire was going to liquidate, ive known for a while because we've talked about it as a family and the way my dad dealt with it made my respect for him skyrocket to heights i didnt think possible. with all the plans being put into place to deal with the liquidation in the most sensible way whilst retaining dignity. part of this was an agreed date to release full details of liquidation to the public and the media.


this morning i woke up to a series of messages from various people asking me if i was alright, asking if my family were alright, asking me how i was feeling etc, and it didnt dawn on me what was happening until i connected the dots in my head.

someone who is unknown at present decided to contact various media sources and tell them, for some reason, that murray olaoire are going under, quite a while before the set date, thus making life difficult for everyone involved, and especially difficult for my dad, who now has to deal with the liquidation process and the tv/paper interviews.

needless to say, i would like to find the person who leaked the information before the release date and give them a good auld fashioned slap in the head.
fucking ignorant petty dickheads.

i guess i can only do what i can to be there supporting my dad, as he has supported me all my life, as he goes through this difficult time.

to add to that, bumping into people who catch me offguard and confuse me doesnt help in the least.

at least aidan bishops preview show was great :)

ill keep you posted on whats going on when i know, and sorry for the poor quality of writing in this, my head is a bit melted today...

when i grow up

as my twenty first birthday approaches, ive been thinking what i want in the future.

when i grow up;

i will make people laugh more than anything.

i will make people smile.

i want to be like bear grylls.

i will go all over the world.

i want to make the world a better place in my own small way.

i want to own a slow loris.

i want to train a dog to roll over.

i will do alright in edinburgh fringe festival.

the next year, i will do even better in edinburgh.

i want to sort out my sleeping patterns.

i want to eat in one of heston blumenthals places.

i will go back to japan.

i will love.

i will hate.

i will be perfectly indifferent.

i will smile.

i will frown.

i will make that strange face that looks like both depending on your vantage point.

i want to be more like my dad. the man is unbelievable, and even though we've had our differences in the past i dont think theres anyone on this green earth i respect and look up to more. you're the man dad.

i want to write and stage a play.

i wont let the child in me die.

i will gig all over ireland, the uk and hopefully, the world.

i will play some music concerts for a change.

i will tour this summer fingers crossed.

i will have some amazing friends.

i will have some amazing times.

i will realise, that just as Icarus said, "all limits are self imposed" and ill get off my ass and realise all the things ive said in this list.


Marcus