its been a while

when i set up this blog, one of the motivating factors in doing so was that it would keep me writing something new every few days. needless to say, i really fucked up on that one, and im dissapointed in myself for it, but now that im actually sitting at my desk in a moderatly clean room, i think its time to let the words flow out of my brain once again.

my life recently has been crazy, interesting and a jumble of confusion all at once recently. specifically in the last few days. its been a flurry of long days and longer nights. talking on the couch til 5 in the morning. walks home and cracking backs. dispensary opticians, doctors and 350 euro sunglasses.
making people laugh.
making myself laugh.
running a lot.
eating right.
drinking lakes of water.
getting fit.
body and mind.

going right back, since its been a long time since ive updated this, it was an experience i had recently which changed my outlook on life, nothing major, but we were driving home from work and some little tool dropped a rock off an overpass smashing into the windshield front on while we were going at 120km an hour.

car skidded and luckily, short of being sprayed by some glass, none of us were hurt, but it made me realise that no matter what we do, if you're gonna die... you're gonna die.

i woke up the next day an realised that id been faffing about and went for a long run. i came back dripping sweat and exhausted but feeling amazing. i changed up my diet and now, i feel amazing and i add to that feeling every day.

but.. the one thing i havent been doing on my huge self improvement kick is writing. which is why im back here.

this is only me putting my feet back in the pool, but its a step nonetheless...

ive been sitting at my window
watching imaginary rain fall into rainbows
and making autumn in my mind
for the leaves to show me which way the wind blows
letting dreams drift slowly to the highest mountains
devoid of trees with the cleanest, sweetest air
ive been sitting at my window
looking out on the street
at the passing cars and the birds picking food off the ground
ive been letting my eyes wander across faces and bodies and hands and lips
and my hands run down cracked backs and smooth legs
and smooth white hips
ive been smiling at strangers
who look sad at a bus stop
just to see them smile back as i walk away
ive been sleeping and running
and fighting and drumming
and slamming the bottle on the day to day
ive been loving and hating
easy and frustrating
narrated and narrating
laughing and contemplating
ive been sitting at my window
waiting for the day where i can truly call myself a man who belongs to noone but me
and ill wait for that day forever because thats just the way things are meant to be.


Marcus